I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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