dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
