He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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