You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
