you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
