my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
