oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize