I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
