I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
