He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
