It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
