A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
