took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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