As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
