Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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