a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
