I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
