I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
