2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize