It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
