new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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