just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
