I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Enjoy the penises
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
