Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
