Someone shit on the floor
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
