didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
