she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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