i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
