How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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