nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
