The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
