Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
