its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
