i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
