i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i think i just lost a toe
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
