Don't EVER smell your tampon
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
