i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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