With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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