That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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