Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
