This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
