just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
