If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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