I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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