Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
