The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
