I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
