Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
