What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize