my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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