so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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