Kiss
Puke
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
