I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
