I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize