90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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