woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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