Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
