Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize