Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
