the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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