i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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