You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize