He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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