Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
