It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
