he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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