I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
