the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
