I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
