it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
