I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
